she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
