Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
