i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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