i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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