i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
