And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize