It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
