I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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