You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
