Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
