Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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