Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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