btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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