She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
