When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
