Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She's the barista slut.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
