and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
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I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I want to be your penis for a week.
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I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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