Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
