dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
