He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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