I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
