tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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