Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
