tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
