I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
