Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
