we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
