I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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