I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize