In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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