so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
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You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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