Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
