I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
