Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
