the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
