I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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