I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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