God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
