I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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