Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
