If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Fuck appropriateness.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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