drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
MIDGETS
????
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
