Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
