Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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