Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
