i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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