I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
