foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
