i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
