Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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