If that was your dad, he is hot
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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