I faked an abortion last night.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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