Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
