Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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