I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
