I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
