Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize