I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
