she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
