I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
