So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize