I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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