Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
