dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
