Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
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Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize