it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
