You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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