So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
