After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I touched a dick in church today
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
