dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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