Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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