I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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