I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
