I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
