New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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