Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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