I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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