Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
