escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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