my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
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I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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