Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
