also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
